TOP TEN WORST FILMS OF 2015

2015 has been a hell of a year for me. I really took this job seriously and I wanted to make sure I had the thoughts on the year as a whole. This year has been one of the most interesting years in cinema. It was a year of a ton of hype but usually very mediocre delivery and while I fear that this may be a thing that we will be seeing a lot of in 2016 this was at least a year of decent titles and not many of my film experiences this year were bone crunchingly bad. This year I had more of a basis to make a judgement on this list. I may have only reviewed a total of 46 movies but I saw an actual total of 118, that’s more new releases that I have ever seen in my life and that’s not counting the 3 extra films I saw at Film Festivals which won’t count for this list. Those would be 3 of the films I saw at MGM Loves Anime, mainly Miss Houkasi, Love Life The School Idol Project Movie and Empire of Corpses. I already have Miss Houkasi to review for next year upon its DVD and Blu Ray release and I do plan on reviewing Empire of Corpses, however that film had only just been released in Japan at the time I had seen it, so it’s not entirely certain we are going to be seeing it in 2016. If you wondering about the eligibility for the list, this is how it works: It has to have been a film that received its initial release in the UK and to a paying audience. This means that if it was a film that was released this year but didn’t reach the UK to a general paying audience, it won’t count. This also means that many of the awards contenders that we will be seeing released in January and February on these shores, like the Revenant Creed and Spotlight will not be eligible for either list and will have to wait their turn to 2016. This does mean, however, I can include a lot of the hold overs from the USA, Japan and other territory so most of the Anime titles I saw will count and also meant that I can include films like John Wick and Big Hero 6. This really didn’t play much of a factor in my worst films list. Despite the fact that I did push myself to not just seek out movies I liked this year, I also didn’t seek out the awful movies I had heard about. So forgive me if I haven’t got an extensive list of films this year, I didn’t have time to see films that I had heard awful things about, like The Human Centipede Part 3 or some of the really awful comedies I had heard about, like, Unfinished Business, Will Farrell’s Get Hard or Entourage the Movie for which I wasn’t a fan of the TV series. I did go and see many films that I wasn’t the target audience for and it did play a factor in my decision making in this list, because I saw so many this year I had to really limit the Top Ten to the absolute films that were an infuriating experience to have in the cinema or on DVD because I am including Direct to DVD releases in this list so long as the film did not receive a cinematic release outside of a Film Festival in 2014 or earlier.

Last year I did way too many honourable and dishonourable mentions so this year I decided to limit this to five that were just off making the list, So to make sure people don’t confuse this with a top 15 list I am going to list these in alphabetical order and I won’t go into too much detail. I have not reviewed all of these for the site, so if you want more details you can check out the ones I did review on the site.

These are the five films that just got the dishonourable mention:

Jupiter Ascending.

Without going into too much detail the Wachowskis gave us their first original screenplay since the Matrix and this film was a massive disaster, trying to be an epic without even remotely establishing its world with some horrifically bad dialogue and performances. This film will make you wish that Eddie Redmayne could have his Oscar taken back off him. The special effects sucked and it seemed to constantly try and rip off every Sci Fi film ever made. Please, no more sequels. The only reason Jupiter Ascending doesn’t make the list is that I believe it can be viewed for being accidentally entertainingly bad.

The Lobster.

The first english speaking film from Greek Director Yorgos Lanthimos and it tells, because whilst this film didn’t make the list because it did have some decent performances in it, it doesn’t change the fact that this is one of the most pretentious pieces of twaddle that had everyone laughing in the cinema despite the fact that it was meant to be taken 100 percent seriously, the premise is the actors couple off or face being turned into animals, yes, seriously, and they have to speak some horrifically awful dialogue. I just wanted out of the cinema!

Pixels.

Adam Sandler once again tricked us into going to see another one of his crass comedies by pretending it was a homage to classic video games. Just No! There are more details in my review as to why I hated this, but it just (and I really do mean just) didn’t make the list because there is one comedy that I saw this year which was worse.

San Andreas.

Yes, someone courageous sat down and watched every Roland Nemerick film and copied it note for note. One of the most predictable and wholly dull films culminating in a scene at height of stupidity where a small dinghy manages to go up a tsunami. The only thing that stops this making the list is The Rocks performance, that is it.

Taken 3.

This one doesn’t quite make the list because there happens to be ten films that were worse than it. That is the only reason. Between this and The Transporter Refueled, these horrible action films have proven that Luc Besson is a barely competent writer who happened to just get lucky with having the right idea at the right time with the first Taken film. This one is particularly awful and I am glad the franchise is over, see my review for more details! It was the very first film I reviewed this year.

And in the words of Mathew Buck AKA Film Brain “Now for the actual list and brace yourself for the bile!”

No 10. Pan

Yes, I only reviewed this a couple of months ago, but it still makes my ten worst list. This droll un-funny mess of a film attempted to be a dark re boot of Peter Pan, but it ends up failing in every department, because it doesn’t get the character at all and just tries to be its own thing, but its own thing is a boring waste of time than no one can properly get invested in. I have to agree with Brad Jones’s thoughts on his film, there must have been a serious amount of cocaine when they were making this film because it had some crazy moments that make absolutely no sense, including an horrifically awful scene which involves the characters singing Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ when this is set in WW2 and in a fantasy world. Just no, seriously avoid this one, there was only one other family film that came out this year that was worse, and believe me we will get to that. If you want more details about this film, check out my previous review, but I recommend you skip this awful movie.

No 9. Hit Man Agent 47

Once again the cinema could not escape the curse of the terrible adaptation of a video game franchise, brought to us from the writer behind The Good Day to Die Hard and X Men Origins Wolverine, so you knew it was in good hands. This film is the most pointless attempt at a re boot ever, especially when you realise that the writer also wrote the previos Hitman movie which sucked so what chance did this have. The film has way too few action scenes, a droll plot that doesn’t resemble the games very well at all and some of the worst shot scenes I have seen in an action film in a long time. They try to pull tricks that you can’t get away with now, especially with Mad Max out this year, showing what you can do with an action film, not to mention the fact that the performances were all terrible. The film tries to get a sequel, but I’m hoping this fails because this was awful and frankly the entire project feels pointless in the end.

No 8. Seventh Son

This one was obviously going to be awful. The film is shot back in 2012 where it has been sat on a shelf, it was originally meant to come out in January 2014, when in March 2015 it made its way over here and this was clearly down to the fact that the studio realised that this film was a droll, unoriginal mess of a film with some of the worst acting I have seen all year, and special effects that looked like they were TV standard, and a dull boring plot from what I can gather that doesn’t even remotely resemble the book it’s based on. How you get terrible performances out of great actors Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore and Alicia Vikander is unbelievable. It was clearly released now purely to capitalise on the success of Game Of Thrones. Once again it’s another film that tried its best to do a sequel but with such utter terrible reviews and terrible box office success, I don’t think it will recover from this. The film is just no fun at all and feels incredibly unoriginal, please, just skip it.

No 7. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

The franchise, thankfully comes to an end with this awful film that I would believe is the biggest rip off of 2015. This film doesn’t evenly remotely try to do a job of entertaining its audience. I sat in a theatre with a few other people watching this film and everyone felt like they were there under contract, that they had seen all the other movies and just needed to see this one just for that reason. The franchise limps to the finish line with a terrible plot, with stupid characters, further stupidity with the found footage genre and a mother load of jump scares. Plus for a franchise that revolutionised the industry by not showing what was there, this one shows way too much. Not to mention its plot and conclusion renders Paranormal Activities 4 and 5 entirely pointless. Oh, and I saw the film in 3D, or what it called 3D, the film is flat for most of the actual production. You could literally take your glasses off and put them back on because only about 20 minutes of the 1 hour 20 minute movie had any actual 3D and by that I mean the film was entirely flat and in focus, I thought I had gone to the wrong screening! Look up other peoples reviews for this because there are a million other plot holes, It’s a seriously awful film, if this really is the final Paranormal Activity movie, then goodbye, good riddance, you’ve outstayed your welcome by 3 years.

No 6. Strange Magic

Not only the worst animated film of the year, possibly the worst animated film of the last 5 years. Most of you probably didn’t even know the film existed, that because it was released very quietly in January in the USA before receiving an even quieter release in the UK in August where it barely had any screenings and the only screenings I really saw for it were the picture house chain of cinemas that were running as part of their kids club. I feel very sorry for every parent who was dragged along to see this film. It’s an incredibly un-original plot with some animation that is clearly ripped off from Dreamwork’s Epic and with its ham fisted attempt to do its version of a Mid Summer Nights Dream with some god awful performances, a terrible plot that sends out terrible messages to kids and the un-believable fact that it’s a Jukebox musical which was not pointed out in any of the advertising for the film. Oh, and if you are wondering, they are all pop songs that you wouldn’t want to hear sung by the original artists let alone these god awful covers that sound like they were done by the same people who did Glee, which interrupt the seed of whatever drama or comedy that might have come from the plot. While your average Disney movie may have 6 to 7 songs in it’s running time, this film has 13! 13 songs that often have more emphasis put on them than the actual story and have no point being there. The only reason it isn’t higher on the list is because it’s all songs by artists that I don’t really like and I didn’t like the original songs so I don’t mind them getting murdered, but whatever they did to Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds is inexcusable and unforgivable, screw you George Lucas, thank god you stayed away from Star Wars.

No 5. Sharknado 3 :Oh Hell No

Yes that really is the title. I said last year that I didn’t put Sharknado 2 on my worst of list in 2014 because that was giving them what they wanted. Well this year, I’m sorry I really have to do it. Sharnado 3 was a complete failure of a film It still hasn’t quite gotten the idea that bad movies entertain us by accident and not by design, but this one almost seems to have forgotten that point playing the film almost wholly seriously. This film has sharks in space and they breathe normally, that is just one of the many stupid points that the film makes which will further damage the Sharks image in the media when we really need to be saving these things when they could be gone from our Oceans within the next Century. The cast is made up of really bizarre cameos. Ok David Hasselhoff is a given now, he has a self depreciation that really works and I suppose I get that you have Pro Wrestler Chris Jericho in here, but what the hell is Frankie Muniz doing here and Penn and Teller have a cameo as well, what the hell are they doing in the film, these guys are genuinely talented. Also for some weird reason there is a non-speaking cameo by Jedward, oh and don’t get your hopes up, they don’t get eaten. Though I’m certain someone will have made a video on You Tube where they do. Bottom line, this one was really dumb and I am getting bored with the creators making a ton of money with little effort and stupid ideas that feel like they were done by getting a guy on cocaine and a guy on weed getting together in a room and showing them a marathon of Shark movies.

No 4. The Wedding Ringer

The absolute worst comedy of the year. Kevin Hart is becoming another American comedian who seems to be making films that put me off just by his presence alone. This year he had two of these films out. Get Hard which looked so unbelievably racist that I didn’t even want to see it altogether and The Wedding Ringer which I was originally going to review but I pulled if off the schedule after Kaguya got a release date and I am eternally grateful because when I finally saw it on Sky Movies it was one of the most desperate and ill conceived comedies I have seen in a long time. I’m certain other comedies that came out last year were worse, but I didn’t see them, I saw this. The opening jokes sees Josh Gadd sitting on a glass table and falling through it, that’s how desperate the comedy is, not to mention the rest of the comedy is crass and offensive in a way that I still don’t understand why people find it funny and it’s premise of a guy trying to hire a best man because he doesn’t have friends to impress his soon to be wife is unbelievably stupid. Not to mention most of the film is incredibly mean spirited in its jokes and it’s at Josh Gadd’s expense, but dam this guy also seems to want to be in every bad comedy this year. Bottom line, this one is really bad.

No3. Unfriended

Yes, Yes, anyone who saw my old review knew this one was coming. What I described at the time as one of the worst films I had reviewed for the site, it’s technically no longer the case, but I would still say that I hated this movie. It’s cyber bullying message has been completely lost on this terribly shot, terribly acted film with characters that no one could possibly like and an ending so awful and against the tone that had been set up for the film, it ruined what little was left. This film is just terrible in virtually every way. Check out my review for more details, but I am not joking when I say that this is the film that has completely put me off SKYPE forever and not for the reason the film wants me to.

No 2. Fantastic Four

What is surely the biggest flop of 2015 and completely killed the franchise before it even started. Fantastic 4 is clearly a rush job designed so 20th Century Fox can keep the licence before it automatically reverted back to Marvel, which means because of this film we are probably not going to be seeing any of the Fantastic 4 or any of the cast of characters in the cinematic universe, but that’s the least of the problems for this film. If you want to know why I really despise this film, check out my review, but this was one of the most boring action films I saw all year, completely missing the point of the comic it is based on, to such an extent that the Fantastic 4 never appear on screen together until the climax of the film and have virtually no chemistry with one another. The action scenes are terribly shot, everyone is horribly miscast and the film is a waste of talented director Josh Trank who has clearly been crippled by studio interference in the hopes of spanning this out into a franchise that can cross over with the X Men films. Just no, hopefully next year 20th Century Fox’s attempts to have crossovers with the X Men film will go better with its Gambit solo film, but if this is anything to go by, we really shouldn’t be too excited about. This is not only the worst comic film of the year it’s probably the worst comic films since Batman and Robin, you couldn’t get away with this in the 90’s, what chance do you have with it now!!

No 1. The Gallows

The absolute worst film I saw this year. The reason this is top of the list is for two reasons. 1, this felt like torture to watch in the cinema and 2, you could make an argument for any of the films in this list that they have some sort of reason to exist, there is no reason for The Gallows to exist, other than the fact that paranormal activity make money so we want to make money with very little effort. That’s the only reason I can think for this to be found footage. The film’s premise doesn’t even give a good reason for them to be filming themselves it is literally stupidly having the characters incriminating themselves with hard evidence. As Brad Jones said, it’s everything wrong with slasher films and everything wrong with found footage films in one, not to mention this film had terrible horror set pieces and unbelievably bad characters that you want to see die the second they come on screen and some really uninventive uses of the POV camera gimmick which the film cheats a couple of times. The ending had one of the worst twist endings of any film I have seen in a long time, because not only was it bad and out of nowhere, it also contradicted a lot of what we had been led to believe up to this point. Really though, that’s the least of this films problems and plot holes that it never bothers to explain. The only reason you will know what the characters names are is that they constantly scream them over and over again, this film was just awful. This was the worst cinema going experience I had all year.

So that’s my top ten worst films of the year.

Move on to the next page where I will be bringing the mood back up a bit with my top ten best films of the year, and believe me, those are my big recommendations.

The question now is:

“What were your worst films of 2015”?

Please let me know if you agree with my opinion. Thanks a lot for reading.

Calvin – Nerd Consultant