“FANTASTIC FOUR (2015)”

Ok confession time I may be comic fan and really like superheroes but I’m not a big fan of the Fantastic Four, they’re just not really characters that appeal to me too much though do have some knowledge of them and their history. In build up to this film I did watch both of the previous films and they are really just terrible and boring, in fact I was amazed that they got as far as 2 movies so this film doesn’t exactly have a high standard to surpass but I went in with an open mind and the hope that this would endear me to the characters in some way. Now I was slightly keen to see this movie because the filmmakers were advertising it as “made by the same studio as X-Men Days Of Future Pass” and this is due to a planned crossover between both franchises with 20^th Century Fox clearly wanting to cash in on the success of The Marvel Cinematic Universe but having seen the film those hopes may have been dashed

This film’s plot is that Reed Richards (played by Miles Teller) desires to be the first man to successfully teleport and experiments against the advice of his educators until his experiment is spotted by Dr Franklin Storm (played by Reg E. Cathey) and his daughter Susan Storm (played by Kate Mara) and is recruited to create a larger working version of his design that will allow humans to travel to another dimension along with Victor Von Doom (played by Toby Kebbell) and after he gets into some trouble Franklin’s son Johnny (played by Michel B. Jordan). After the government screws over the researchers Reed, Johnny and Victor take their creation for a test drive along with Reed’s friend Ben Grimm (played by Jamie Bell) in order to be the first in the new dimension. However things go wrong and Victor goes missing and Reed, Susan, Johnny and Ben gain powers through a radiation explosion and gain super powers. The government captures them and starts using them for missions under the pretence of curing them but they’ll need the missing Reed Richards to succeed and Victor Von Doom may have plans after spending a year in the other dimension.

If that plot sounded like a lot happens in this movie put that to the back of your mind, nothing I repeat NOTHING happens in this movie. it has some of the worst pacing of any movie I’ve seen this year in fact I would say that the film plays more like a TV pilot than a movie and the entire thing feels like a beginning to plot that never gets off the ground even at the films climax that doesn’t really start until the last 20 minutes and by the end it feels like nothing has been accomplished except for bait for a sequel. In fact a lot of what I said in the previous paragraph is a large amount of the plot and I was even considering skipping that entire paragraph though this review is short enough already. The problem is that the film is really too short it comes in at just under 1 hour 40 minutes when it really should be 2 hours and it doesn’t have time to tell the story it wants to and it has clearly been gutted to get everything out ,most notably when the film skips a year at a really bizarrely mistimed moment as resulting skipping a ton of character development. Wouldn’t want to see any of that would we

Not mention the writing and direction are atrocious which is surprising considering the film is directed by Josh Trank who previously co wrote X Men Days of Future Past and directed one of the few found frootage films I actually liked Chronicle which had a great plot done in an even shorter amount of time than this film but his direction is terrible and that’s reflected in the performances and the action scenes.

Not to mention the characters are all terrible and have absolutely no chemistry with each over and we learn nothing about any of them Victor AKA Doctor Doom is the villain but by the time he executes his plan we have no idea why he’s doing it because he appeared normal before hand. The movie hints a some shady back story that is never expanded upon and it’s really frustrating because Doctor Doom is one of the best Marvel villains and he is nothing like the character in the comics which is what could be said for most of the characters in this film. It would have made a much better story if they had stuck closer to the comics and had him as a dictator or a dignitary of his native Latveria (a fictional nation in the marvel universe) maybe there’s some necessity to his peoples welfare with this experiment and but as it stands I know nothing about him so I didn’t care. The character that I think comes off the most accurate to the comics at a stretch is Ben Grimm AKA The Thing and even then there’s issues mainly in the casting and lack of detail to the character.

I assume this film is based more on the Ultimate Universe of Fantastic 4 but I can’t confirm this because I really don’t read that much of the Marvel Ultimate universe especially now that it’s probably been destroyed in the Marvel event Secret Wars (which I haven’t read yet), but even if that was true I could care less because everyone is poorly characterised even though Reed Richards AKA Mr Fantastic once again is the smartest yet dumbest man in the room.

I will also say for a superhero movie they are never mentioned by their superhero names and somehow (and this is quiet unbelievable) it somehow has less superhero stuff than the 2005 film and that is really, really sad cause that film had hardly any either!

There is a attempt to get a romance going between Reed and Susan though it doesn’t work at all especially considering they share so few scenes and as said no chemistry. In fact the entire Fantastic 4 don’t appear together on camera together until the very end of the movie are you kidding me. As a result their coming together as a team feels very contrived and you can’t understand how they have built up these tactics that are so in touch with each over having spent so little time together.

The plot has you constantly waiting for something to happen and it never does. We wait an hour for them to get their powers and we see them do virtually nothing with them possibly less than the last films. And not to mention the climax of the film is so forced and so rushed it might as well not have even been there before it painfully leaves the door open for a sequel that will never happen. If there were any post credits scenes I didn’t see them cause I didn’t care and just wanted to get out of there. I went to see this film with my cousin Joe who joined me previously on the review of Big Eyes and he hated the movie just as much as me. We on the way home asked the question “was there any positives?” and all we could come up with was that the effects may age better than the previous films. In fact in our screening there were a group of really annoying kids who kept talking and getting up and walking about. They got kicked out but we found it more entertaining seeing people trying to deal with them and guessing how long it would take till they got kicked out. Believe me if annoying members of the audience are more entertaining than what’s on screen you’ve gone wrong somewhere.

If the plot section of the review appears short it really is because there isn’t much too say about it that really is how bad it is, the only good part about it was Dr Franklin who was a somewhat likeable character other than that I didn’t like anyone especially Johnny and Ben who feel really pointless when they appear and disappear constantly and it’s a testament to how lazy this movie is and as a result it will be impossible to get invested.

Now as for the acting it’s not much better than the 2005 movie. Some of the cast are slightly better cast than the 2005 movie mainly Kate Mara as the invisible woman who is much better casting than Jessica Alba but that’s all I can think off because everyone is horribly miscast and giving terribly bland performances including Kate Mara but particularly Miles Teller. he may have earned back some points with me after his excellent performance in the Oscar Nominated Whiplash but this is really bad and is proof that he is back on usual form and I’m starting to worry that Whiplash was a fluke. With all that being said I would say he’s on a par with Ioan Gruffudd in the same role and that was a terrible performance too. Much also Michael B Jordan is clearly out of his depth and seems to be playing this like he’s a character from a Fast and Furious movie, not helped by the fact that his first scene is a street race. As much as the slack that Chris Evans got for his role as the Human Torch. he seemed a lot more like the fun loving character of the original comics but that being said this incarnation of Johnny is slightly closer overall but lighten up a bit mate. Needless to say Casting Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm is a disastrous decision. That’s right Billie Elliot is now the Thing. I’m sorry but one of the few positive I had with the 2005 Fantastic Four movie was the casting of Michael Chiklis who does fit the characters source material. Jamie Bell can’t carry off this role because he can’t do the accent, doesn’t even remotely look like he fits the role mainly cause he doesn’t have the bulk or the accent and he can’t pull off the character with the exception of his scene before the film skips a year and some of his later scenes with Miles Teller. He also doesn’t suit the motion capture performances after becoming the Thing which is surprising considering he took to it really well when he played the title role in 2011’s The Adventures of Tintin. Tobey Kebbell playing Victor Von Doom starts out well playing the loner and aspiring scientist but fails to pull of his villainous turn. Granted some of that is writing issues. The rest of the cast are mainly just there to be support and they’re not that brilliant especially Tim Blake Nelson’s Dr Allen. The only cast member I really enjoyed was Reg E Cathy who makes the most of the role and has good chemistry with the cast and I look forward to seeing him more.

The other major cast issue is the lack of chemistry between the various actors. I’m not feeling the romance between Miles Teller and Kate Mara, Kate Mara and Michael don’t come off as a believable brother and Sister, Miles Teller and Jamie Bell aren’t on screen long enough to sell their friendship and they just don’t feel like a close nit team and in a Fantastic Four movie that’s a big fail.

As for the effects they’re not great, not terrible but compared to what the Marvel Cinematic Universe is doing it’s not up to Par. The film is very CG reliant and they’re not integrated well so you’re not seeing character you’re seeing an effect especially in The Thing and Human Torch effects. Some of the stretch effects of Mr Fantastic are good but pale when compared with say the effects in Ant-Man.

The action scenes are laughable. First off there are too few of them we barely see one till the 1 hour mark. I don’t think there’s more than 3 or 4 and it’s not good enough for a superhero movie. The fight scenes are way too short and shot in a way that you can’t tell what’s going on and the flow of the effects and choreography are terrible. This is even the case in the final fight, which by the way also sucks. I liked the start of Dooms rampage through the military base but even that was poorly shot and edited plus it was so graphic that it made me question the 12A rating.

The design of the characters and effects are at least decent. Especially The Thing whose design really remained in tact. I had mixed feelings on the others especially Doctor Doom who’s design is a real mixed bag bordering the cool design of the comics with some questionable cosmetic changes

This movie had a 3D version in production however it was scrapped prior to release which is good because if I had to pay for 3D glasses on a film where the effect probably would have added little to the overall product I would have been even more mad

If you’re hoping for a positive here then I’m going to have to disappoint you then I’m sorry I’ve tried but I’ve got nothing and I really tried the only thing I liked was Reg E Cathy at a stretch

Fantastic Four is utterly terrible. It plays like a TV pilot more than movie and as a result nothing happens leaving it to be an uninventive boring mess that makes you want to yell at the screen for something anything to happen. With awful characters that have little depth and no progression, terrible miscasts and acting and a plot that went absolutely nowhere this was a complete waste of 1 hour and 40 minutes. The effects and fight scenes are awefull and it’s clear this was a shameless get them in get them out movie off the conveyer belt made because 20^th Century Fox realized they still had the rights to Fantastic Four and were hoping to fool people with the top quality of comic movies right now. They failed and it’s just as bad as the 2005 version. Fox plans to have a crossover between Fantastic Four and X Men but this film is so bad I think that’s been squashed before it’s even started like this films terrible attempts to have sequel.

Have you seen Fantastic Four? Leave a comment on your thoughts of the film if you have, or leave a comment to answer my question

“Did you like or dislike Fantastic Four (2005)?”

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Now for next weeks review and it’s probably all down hill from here

Join me on August 21^st for my review of Adam Sandler’s “Pixels” and yes I put this on schedule cause I had some hope that Fantastic four would be good movie so needed to balance it out with something that looked bad.

I enjoy making these reviews for you even when I don’t like the movie so thanks for reading cause I wouldn’t be able sit through movies like this if it wasn’t for you brilliant guys & girls

Calvin – Nerd Consultant